Damn I must be so odd just leaving my Haunting Ground on in the background all the time. I actually enjoy watching Debi, Dani, Ricc or Lorenzo running around like crazies, not able to find Fiona for hours on end! I truly have sold my soul to that game... seriously.

Eh well I still haven't heard from Graeme since I sent that e-mail. xD He's either being a asshole & ignoring me or "busy"...

Oh my GOD! Jaz, I actually asked him about what we were talking about in a txt... LOL! He'll probably get offended but why should I care? It's only pay back for him hurting me! ^.~ No answer either... xD I cannot help but wonder how the hell he is feeling just now!! Probably not giving a rats arse!! Aw, well his loss like I've said for the billionth time now! *giggles!*

Back to making some Sims characters for my latest project and watching Debi rub his crotch! :D JOY! lol!

I sent this in an e-mail to Graeme and every word of it is true... I now KNOW I deserve better.

Keeping this short & simple.

You really need to think before you say certain things because you can be VERY hurtful to me. You have to respect that I have mental and social problems! And you say you know how it feels to be like me! If you do, then why treat me the way you do!? Don't think you're funny with your little one liners. The sex thing, only 3 PEOPLE I would have sex with. Not anyone random or the fucking postman so don't say anything like that again! All you do is mock me and point out everything I'm NOT! You have made me much more negative than I used to be because of your comments. I'm sick of it and if you want to continue doing so then you'll lose me as a friend for good. Personally I doubt you'd give a shit if I wasn't in your life anyway. You have never cared about me, have you? Never! After all I have done for you, you just don't care. You have no idea how much pain you have put me through and I am on the verge of ending our friendship completely. Like I said, you probably WANT that. Well I'm not going to stop you anymore.

S.

Was lovely to see Jaz, Jen & Johnny today. ^_^ They are too kind to me and I only wish I could return the favor. Jasmine played with RE figures and Jen played with my hair! *giggles!* ^__^ Ho hum... I really wanted to hug Jen tight but was scared to frighten the lovely lady! @_@ *still has her hair like Daniella's that Jen did!* :D HOORAY! Love you girls so much. I'm so sorry for my lack of contact... *cries* I'm still upset of course about Graeme and so on. I feel like I don't want to be with anyone else ever now... tired of things going wrong. And I don't think I can NOT love Graeme if that makes sense. I'll always love him. *sigh* Ahhh man, my youtube journal said something like, "I don't wish to be with anyone else now. Rather be on my own forever!" and Graeme asked, "why will you be alone forever?"

I thought Graeme of all people would know WHY! Oh GOD! I love him so so much, it hurts me deep inside. When I was with him on Thursday, I just... I can't even describe how I react. It's like I'm fascinated with him. I could listen to him for hours, that sort of thing... *cries* I put him on the spot, made him tell me if he loved me or not. Even if Graeme doesn't love me, I know I will love him forever, even if that is something I will hide deep inside. I hope people understand what I mean. Graeme isn't a bad man, it's my fault for becoming so obsessed...

Parents home tomorrow. :) Then on Tuesday, got the diabetic clinic. :( I SO have not lost weight! xD I have been having such a crappy few weeks and haven't been up to exercising. ;_;

Oh well. Jaz, Jen... I hope you had a nice time. You know I WORRY about me getting boring and what not! (I did make you's watch most of the HG & Clock Tower 3 scenes!! lol!)

Ehh... bye for now... ^_^;

Well I forced an answer out of Graeme and he said he didn't love me... so I guess now I really can move on... as much as it hurts, I'm glad he told me. No more false hope. Nothing. Although I think I need a good cry...

Well Graeme's contacts arrived today so he ain't getting out from seeing me! :3

Kind of nervous though... been a while since I met him in person! We're just going to meet up in Glasgow, head back here and chat I would think! Listen to Numan! (Yiyo, yes! The sexy songs!) lol! What is going to happen, is something I don't know. Nothing will happen! I'm sure! I don't even know what I mean when I say "what will happen!" I guess it's hard not to think too much when you are spending time with someone you like... alone. I'm bound to get nervous even just being alone with him! But you know, personally I would love to just throw my arms around him and have a sazzy make out session! ;3 lol! Oh how I wish... meh! Anyways, I better finish my dinner (chicken and mushroom pot noodle!) and start getting ready... I feel ugly today so probably won't feel that good going out in public either. :(

Toodles everyone. Lots of love! <33333!

Ahhh... not holding much hope for Thursday... I'm not getting my hopes up at least. Graeme is waiting for new contact lenses to arrive and if they don't arrive by Thursday, he said we'll have to make it another time. @_@ He doesn't go out in public with his glasses, he said. xD *giggles* I hope he gets them in time... I really do but knowing my luck, they won't... URGH!!

My dad called me too, asking me why I hadn't contacted him. The truth was, because I didn't want anything to do with him anymore... but obviously didn't have the heart to say that to him... *sigh* He is probably contacting me now after months because it's Fathers Day soon... typical, no? I envy all of you who have wonderful fathers, I really do... -_-

Right, Better go finish some stuff off and get an early night. Feeling crappy and just going to wait for Graeme to say he can't make it. Lets face it, Nothing goes my way! ^_^;; *frown*

Ayeaa... been a while since I posted here. @_@ *dead!*

I've been tidying up ALL day! *hates doing so too!* My room looks more like a boys room! Video games, boxes n shit! :D lol! Oh well! The reason? Uhh.. Well ye know, Graeme is coming down on Thursday night. ^-^ Well maaybe! *laughs!* Going to meet him first and then we head back down here for a chat I would think... yes Sarah... do not think of naughty shit! I'll be good! ^__^ My parents away to Greece for the week and back on Monday so just me alone... my 5 year old fishie died... been sad since loved Olli very much. :'( To wake up and see him lying at the bottom of the water, his eyes all swollen out... it was so horrible. I don't want to remember him that way... *cries* So just me and Buster the bearded dragon now! ^_^; I was going to stay at Lisa's tonight but I just feel really sluggish and not really up for it to be honest... I'll perhaps go on Friday. Just getting over the monthly womanly thingies. D: I hates them so much! Some girls get real grumpy, I just get real ill! :( Tomorrow, will go to the local supermarket and pick some things up. I need soap and some munchables n drink for Thursday! :D Apple Sourz, yesh please!! <333333333! I only have like £60 to do me all week so won't be buying much. xD

Love is blind for me... doubt it's a good thing. Yiyo knows what I mean. ^_^; It's like you refuse to listen to what everyone else says, what you think is all that matters... and to me, all I want is Graeme and even himself, you know is telling me that I shouldn't love him as much as I should. Sometimes it can be hard NOT to love someone... It will be my own fault if I get hurt... was saying to Yiyo the other night how I might attempt to reach over and kiss Graeme if I see him... (highly doubt it! I'm not exactly forward!) Thats not all that holds me back, also the fear of rejection I suppose. If he refuses, then I am going to look pathetic... I don't know what to do. Should I follow my heart and try to kiss him or hold back my feelings? I want to be like Daniella sooo BAD! No emotion! Hooray!! ;)

Anyways, going to go make some pasta for dinner and probably watch TV in bed. Not much to do really. I have games I could play but I don't really feel up to playing them. I was playing Tomb Raider 3 mucho loads!! I suck so bad at it! xD It's like...

*makes Lara look around*

Sarah: Oki, where the fuck do I go? ... theres a block over there that I might get to if I do a running jump... *ponders* But there is a pit full of spikes underneath! *makes Lara do running jump, she falls in spikes*

Sarah: EPIC FAIL!!! -_-;

lol! Lots of fun though! Gotta love shooting Pixel monkeys! <3333!

Right hope you all are good! Love you all mucho! To Jaz & Jen! I'll make sure to let you know when I can meet next! Money is still tight sadly! x_x

~ Sarah. XxX!

Finally getting round to selling the Jason Voorhees doll on Ebay! @_@ hooray!

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESEX:IT&item=180237647753&_trksid=p3984.cSELL.m315.lVI

Curiousity got the better of me... I went and bought a pregnancy test! LOL! Of course as expected, I'm not pregnant! *phew!* I knew I wasn't but... you know when sometimes you just have to check or else you'll never relax? I haven't had sex since... well... years! D: *whine!* To be honest, it's not all that great anyway... can live without it. :3

Lisa's tonight! YAY! We gonna have our usual game night! ^.^ I love spending time with Lisa. I miss her so much! Got the doctors at 5pm today too. I don't know what to really say. I just feel like I have cramp here and there but apart from that, I'm fine! *gasp!* TABLET MAN HERE! *dives at door!!* Yes, I get my medication delivered to the house in an awesome box called a blister pack! :D *dance!* He always comes around half 1-2pm which is good so I know when I have to wake up! ;3 lol! I haven't went for a nap yet though. God, all I do is sleep! But I love it! I get to dream and dreams are amazing! If I could dream forever, I would!

( My funky Beret my mum n Paul got me from Paris!! )

The joy of it all! :D See yews!

Yo ho! ^.^

Just gonna update on here with whats been happening... Was at hospital the other day, turns out nothing serious thank God. Just had very strong sore pains down the right side of my stomach, it was keeping me from sleeping it was that sore so we ended up going to the hospital at 3am. I'm on antibiotics, glad they are helping. My spirit guide thinks I should take a pregnancy test... xD WTF! I haven't been even touched for years... and I don't think Graeme would have done anything while I was sleeping that ONE night. I hate vomiting though, urgh. Like, oh hello last nights dinner just flew out my mouth! lol!

I got Clock Tower 3 posted to me finally! :D I played a bit, good so far! ALYSSA!!! Thats all I have heard so far! Sledgehammer man... RAWR! I'm a newbie when it comes to that game. :3 but MAN DO I LOVE CLOCK TOWER: THE FIRST FEAR! BOBBY FTW!! <33333333333333!!

Anyways, gotta take my antibiotic for the now and don't know what I'm going to do after that... uhhh.. sleep! :D

Love you all! x!